i admitted today that my passion for studying has diminished by a rather astounding amount. not to say i had a lot of enthusiasm in the first place, but cause i was always somewhat rewarded with good results. and now, it's not so. i know what i should do, cause it's the thing i must do. which is to put in more effort and study harder. but at this point in my life, i don't really think studies is that important. but can i do anything about it? no.

perhaps there is something overshadowing the priority of studies in my life. but i cant blame anything else. the effort i put in is only controlled by me. perhaps i was weak in not resisting.

i now know why women may aspire to be housewives. in the domestic realm, the most horrible thing you have to face is probably not half as intimidating as those you are forced to tackle in the workplace. maybe cause i don't have a man who is willing to provide for me, that's why i have no other choice but to thicken my skin and go out to fight.

for it's the only way of life, the only way to survive.